


Xemnas' MANLY Random Moments

by Falco276



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Gen, None - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:14:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falco276/pseuds/Falco276
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is just something I cooked up to celebrate the amount of reviews I had on my<br/>story, Diary Of A Superior. Xemnas and the members of the Organization have gone<br/>nuts. Beware of Bieberitis, baking with Marluxia, Desperate Housewives, and other<br/>random things such as summoning symphonies. Originally written by Crimson Oblivion on fanfiction.net. Used permission to post her story here. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After gaining so many reviews on my story, Diary Of A Superior, I happened to  
> cook this up to celebrate! I hope you all enjoy.

"I wanna rock and roll all night! And party everyday!"  
Xemnas was singing out of key while playing his Rock Band Game that he had  
recently purchased in his office. He had chosen the song "Rock And Roll" by KISS.  
This was one of his favorite pass times which nobody knew about; he wanted it to be  
kept so secret that he didn't even write it in his MANLY journal.  
"No, this song is out of my voice key…" Xemnas mumbled while exiting the song  
and going to the main menu to choose another.  
He scrolled through some songs and couldn't decide, so he closed his eyes and  
chose a random one.  
He chose "Hit Me With your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar.  
"Well you're the real tough cookie- "The Superior stopped singing. "Wait a minute!  
That should say muffin!" He yelled at the screen while putting his hands on his hips.  
After pausing his game, he had heard echoing in the hallway outside his door. It  
was like a girl singing, her voice so gentle and smooth. The voice was so beautiful  
Xemnas hardly even made a noise and breathed slower.  
Curious as to whom it was, he opened his creamy white door and looked both  
ways down the hallway, nothing to his left but to his right he saw…  
Oh, now THIS was disturbing.  
A familiar pink haired man balancing on his left leg while spinning around in a  
sparkly pink ballerina dress with baby pink tights and slippers, singing to a tune  
Xemnas had never heard before. This man stood out like a sore thumb in the bleach  
was number 11 of Organization 13, named Marluxia.  
"Lalala! Oh petunias and daffodils what a sight to see… A daisy, a Lilly, a lovely  
life for-" Marluxia immediately froze in place as he caught the disgusted look of the  
Superior whose mouth was dropped to the floor.  
"Oh Lord Xemnas! I was just um…" He stood on his two feet and blushed in  
embarrassment, "I was uh practicing a new move that fights off heartless and  
collects a double amount of hearts!" He closed his eyes and grinned ear to ear with  
his hands behind his back like a little girl, hoping he would trick the superior.  
"I didn't see anything…" Xemnas mumbled to himself as he turned around to enter  
his room, but sudden vibrations like an earthquake occurred almost sending the  
Superior falling flat on his face.  
"What in Kingdom Hearts is going on?!" Xemnas yelled as he held onto the frame of his door for support.  
Marluxia didn't reply, he fell on his back with a girly sounding, "Ohhh" and fainted.  
The vibrating had stopped and maniacal laughter echoed in the hallways with some snorting.  
"THE SYMPHONIES HAVE ARRIVED!" The voice yelled. Xemnas knew his  
member's voices and this clearly belonged to Vexen; the creepy scientist who gave little children nightmares.  
With a huff Xemnas pulled up the sleeves on his cloak and walked straight  
towards the Chilly Academics laboratory, which was down the hall.  
"Vexen!" The Superior yelled as he burst open the white door labeled 'Vexens Lab ONLY, those who are unauthorized to enter WILL be transformed into an obese Sephrioth'.   
Thick gray smoke came pouring out making Xemnas cough and the door slammed behind him.  
"Vexen!" The superior called out again.  
"MUHAHA! MUHAHAH!" The maniacal laughter of Vexen started again, he wasn't visible for the smoke was too heavy.  
Xemnas scanned the smoke filled room quickly with much coughing, trying to  
locate the creep. Just then, two large bright green ovals stood out of the gray smoke making Xemnas jump back in surprise.  
"Ahh Lord Xemnas," Vexen started, the superior could just picture the creep with a growing smirk on his face, "Glad you could come, but can you read? The sign on  
my door clearly states in bold red lettering that you-"  
"I'm the Superior! I reign over you! I could turn you into a dusk for Kingdom Hearts sake!"   
The smoke suddenly faded and Vexen was now totally visible. The lab  
was filled with large machines, book shelves and many experimenting tables stacked  
with many papers. Also in that room were Lexaeus and Zexion.  
Vexen swallowed hard, "Right…" He managed to say not looking at the superior in the eyes.  
"What in the name of kingdom hearts are you doing?" Xemnas inquired rather loudly.  
"Well, I summoned the symphonies." Vexen stated plainly, as if he were discussing the weather.  
"What?" Xemnas didn't even know what to say, summoning symphonies? This was new.  
"Yes, I happened to gain super cool, fantastic, ultra deluxe, excellent, hunky-dory,  
glorious, divine, neat nifty, marvelous-"  
"Quit telling me what's in the thesaurus and spit it out!" The Superior yelled while  
whacking the giant and thick thesaurus Vexen was randomly holding onto the floor.  
"Right, so anyway as I was saying I have gained some marvelous super powers  
that enable me to summon things at my wish and also fly, disappear, and my favorite  
shape shift." The creepy blonde haired man explained with hand gestures.  
Xemnas stared wide eyed, "What?!"  
"I know, it seems impossible but he-" Zexion began in the conversation while flipping through a book from the shelf.  
"Let ME explain! Now there are a few side effects, and I-" Vexen interrupted, but  
then got cut off from loud, high pitched screaming and crying from the hallway.  
The four froze in place, "Did you hear that?" The Superior asked.  
"Yes, yes I did…" The Chilly Academic replied. The other two then the lights in the room began flickering on and off.  
"Vexen, knock that off." The Superior demanded.  
"Knock what off? I thought you were doing that!" The scientist replied as his voice  
pitched higher the more he got nervous, "Zexion!"  
"Don't look at me Vexen." Said nobody replied.  
"Lexeaus!" The Chilly Academic exclaimed.  
"Haha Lexeaus thinks this is funny…" The tall muscular man replied with some  
laughter. The lights then stopped flickering and all three gave death glares at the Silent Hero.  
"That's not comical whatsoever!" The creepy big green eyed scientist grabbed  
Lexeaus by the ear and dragged him into a chair, "Explain to me why you did that!"  
"Lexeaus thinks it would add to the drama."  
Both Xemnas and Zexion face palmed.  
The screaming and crying continued and everyone stood up straighter.  
"Zexion! Scent detect who's out there!" Vexen demanded with a point of a finger  
at the younger nobody.  
"I only smell one scent out there, and it's one of us. It happens to be…Luxord."  
The Cloaked Schemer replied after breathing in the air through his nose.  
"Luxord?" The superior repeated as he began talking short and quick strides to the door.  
"Lexeaus thinks Luxord is crying."  
"That's already been established." The Scientist reminded the muscular nobody.  
The Superior opened the creaking door and in fact Luxord was sitting on the floor  
hugging his knees and crying his eyes out.  
"Number 10! What is the meaning of this?"  
The British and blonde haired nobody lifted his head and sniffled through his nose  
and replied, "I w-was scanning through the radio and…And…"  
"Yes? What is it Luxord? Spit it out!"  
"Justin Beiber came on!" He screamed like it was the worst thing in the entire  
universe and began crying his eyes out like a three year superior sat beside him and  
wiped a tear from his own eye a patted the nobody's back, "I feel ya man…Now if  
you need ANYTHING, I'm here for ya."  
Luxord continued sobbing and Xemnas began to slightly cry while Demyx, a  
curious young nobody with mullet hair happened to walk by, "Hey, why the long  
faces?" He asked as he stood in front of the two with his hands on his hips.  
"Luxord was scanning the station on his radio and...and..." Xemnas started to say  
after wiping many tears from his eyes, "And…and…and…"  
"Spit it out Lord Xemnas!" Demyx exclaimed while gesturing a hand towards the  
Superior.  
"And…and…and…"  
Just then a dramatic beginning to a symphony began, trumpets and violins started playing.  
"THE SYMPHONIES ARE WORKING!" Vexen had yelled from his lab suddenly.  
"Now where was I?" Xemnas asked himself before clearing his throat,"Oh yes... And…and…JUSTIN BIEBER CAME ON!"  
The music suddenly stopped, where ever it came from.  
Demyx clapped a hand over his mouth with a gasp, "You're kidding?" He knelt  
down next to Luxord and rubbed his back, "It's alright man, It's gonna be okay. This  
tragedy will soon end."  
Just then another nobody walked down the hall and stopped in front of the three,  
huddled together sobbing. This man was Xigbar. He had and eye patch covering his  
right eye, and hair that was so long he had to keep it in a pony tail to prevent it from  
touching the floor."Hey, what's going on here? Did I miss something?" Xigbar asked  
placing a hand on his right hip.  
"It's horrible Xigbar; Luxord witnessed the voice of Justin Bieber and has  
Bieberitis!" Demyx explained while wiping the tears from his eyes.  
"It even has a diagnosis?" Xemnas questioned, "What kind of sick twisted world do we live in?"  
"We live in a world where people write on walls and worship cats. Dude, get with  
the times. Anyway we have to get him the cure and fast before he becomes  
permanently deaf." The man with the eye patch replied.  
"HOLY PETUNIAS!" A female toned voice screeched rather loudly. Only one  
nobody in the entire Organization would scream like a girl shouting flower names.  
And that was Marluxia."DID SOMEBODY SAY BIEBERITIS?!" The pink haired man  
stood up from the floor, still wearing the ballerina outfit and walked toward the group.  
Everyone stared with their mouths hung laughed in a creepy girly way before  
saying in a high pitched voice, "I have the cure."  
"This will have to do…" Xigbar mumbled to himself as he crossed his arms.  
"MARLUXIA! CHANGE INTO YOUR CLOAK NOW! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO KINGDOM HEARTS!" The Superior shouted at the top of his lungs, vibrating the castle.  
Demyx then stood up rather quickly and kicked Marluxia in the stomach  
un-expectantly, sending him flat on his back and summoned his sitar.  
"Number nine what in kingdom hearts sake are you doing?!" Xemnas asked loudly  
as he stared in bewilderment.  
"Oh I'm just offering Marluxia as a sacrifice to Kingdom Hearts." He replied simply.  
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" The Superior yelled demandingly.  
"Well, why not?" The Melodious Nocturne inquired as he made his Sitar disappear.  
"FOR KINGDOM HEARTS SAKE YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ALTAR OF NAUGHT!"  
"Lexeaus thinks lotion is yummier than Rachael Ray's cooking." The tall muscular  
nobody stated randomly as he walked out of the lab. Everyone just stared at him.  
"Duh me! Why didn't I think of that first?" Demyx asked himself. The mullet haired  
nobody summoned a portal with a flick of his wrist and carried Marluxia over his  
shoulder and walked through it.  
"Wait, I thought we needed to cure Luxord…" Xigbar thought out loud, giving  
Xemnas a confused two stared at each other with their mouths slightly agape.  
"Lexeaus thinks there needs to be music to end the awkward silence."  
"Well Xigbar thinks you need to go back to kindergarten."  
"Xemnas thinks we should all just shut up and pretend that none of this ever happened."  
"Xigbar wants to know why we are all talking in third person."  
"Xemnas wants a muffin."  
"Lexeaus can count to potato."  
"Xemnas thinks talking in third person is actually entertaining."  
"Xigbar agrees."  
"Lexeaus hasn't changed clothes in three weeks."  
Xemnas' and Xigbar's eyes widened and slowly stepped away from the Silent Hero.  
The two turned on their heels going separate ways leaving Lexeaus to stand by  
himself with the sick Luxord.


	2. Xemnas Gets Angry and Baking with Marly!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two...MUHAHA! Enjoy.

"1, 2, 3, 4! You are greater than a bowling score!"  
Xemnas was cheering around his office wearing a red and white striped cheer  
leading outfit with matching pom-poms for a reason nobody knew or ever wanted to find out.  
"You are brighter than a fart; give it up for Kingdom Hearts!" The Superior  
cheered with a big grin on his face while shaking the pom-poms around and doing some stepping patterns.  
He suddenly froze in place, "Brighter than a fart? No, how about tastier than a pop tart? No this cannot be I have run out of rhyming words."  
He hunched over and slumped into his leather office chair at his desk and sighed,  
"My dreams of being a MANLY cheerleader are doomed…"  
The Superior held his face in his hands as a tear flowed from his eye and splattered on his desk.  
The door suddenly burst open and slammed into the wall, Xemnas immediately  
picked up his head in shock of someone barging in, seeing him in the girl attire. A  
man with long wavy pink locks was standing in the door way with both hands on his hips.  
"Did somebody say Barbie Doll Secret Services?" He asked in a deep heroic voice  
as he stared off to nowhere. He wore a huge smile and a sparkle glistened from his teeth.  
"Uhm…" Xemnas just stared, what was even going on?  
Marluxia then turned his attention to Xemnas who was sitting frozen in shock in his chair.  
"Wait a second, this isn't Salonville!" The pink haired man stated in surprise with  
a gasp as he began to look around cautiously. "Mother…" he mumbled, "I have betrayed you."   
And with that he hung his head low and walked out of the office, closing the door shut.  
"Well, what could be more random than that? I wonder what else this day has in store for me…"   
Xemnas pondered to himself as he stared off into a dreamy state.  
The door swung open again with a crash against the wall and Marluxia was standing in the doorway yet again.  
"Did somebody say Animal Rescue?" He asked doing his heroic stance again, "Ugh  
my teeth didn't sparkle that time. Retake!" The pink haired man left the room and  
closed the door. Seconds later he burst it open again,  
"Did somebody say Anti-Oprah Club?"  
This time his teeth sparkled.  
"MARLUXIA! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!" The Superior screamed at the top of his  
lungs. His fist slammed against a random red button on his desk that was labeled IN  
CASE OF MARLUXIA and suddenly the floorboards beneath the Graceful Assassin  
sprung up and sent him flying through the roof.  
With a sigh the Superior snapped his fingers and with a poof of smoke his cheerleading outfit was gone   
and he was wearing his Organization Cloak. "Ugh my life is so hard." He grumbled while rubbing his temples in circular motions.  
"Kingdom Hearts," Xemnas began slowly and monotone, "Listen to my plea, I ask  
of you to give me a well earned break from these imbeciles. After all I've done for you; surely you can do a deed for me."  
No response.  
"CURSE YOU KINGDOM HEARTS!" He screamed while slamming his fist on the  
desk and staring out the window, "YOU NEVER REPLY TO MY REQUESTS OR EVEN  
WHEN I GREET YOU! YOU DON'T CARE YOU SELFISH RABID BEAST!"  
Suddenly bolts of lightning filled the sky and the booms of thunder vibrated the castle.  
"Uh oh…"  
A bolt of lightning then slashed down on the roof above Xemnas' office and struck  
down on him. The Superior fell out of his chair and sparked brightly and began twitching.  
The sky suddenly cleared with a strum of a harp and birds began to chirp.  
Xemnas got onto his hands and knees, still jolting with the energy of the shock  
and shook his fist at the sky, "THAT WAS JUST A MERE COINCIDENCE!" He screamed.  
The clouds then came back and a bolt of lightning struck Xemnas again.  
"IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?"  
And again the lightning struck him.  
"AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE GREAT AND MIGHTY KINGDOM HEARTS!"  
And again.  
This went on for hours, and nobody knew how Xemnas even survived the first bolt of lightning.  
"Lexeaus tells lightning to stop!"  
A deep voice shouted suddenly. At the sound of the voice the lightning stopped  
thrashing at Xemnas which enabled him to see the face of his rescuer.  
"Lexaeus?" Xemnas asked as shocks of lightning still flowed through his body.  
"Lexeaus is Lexaues, Xemnas."  
"The what is what?" The Superior inquired, trying to get off the floor, confused as to what the tall muscular nobody said.  
"Lexeaus is the rescuer of Xemnas." Number five repeated in a different matter.  
Suddenly a short blonde spiky haired boy entered the office. He wasn't  
recognizable at first glance due to the fact that he wasn't wearing the regular black cloak, but his normal street clothes.  
"ROXAS! PUT ON YOUR CLOAK FOR KINGDOM HEARTS SAKE!" The Superior  
yelled at the top of his lungs, man one of these days he'll end up losing his voice.  
"Why would I do that Superior?" The spiky blonde teen inquired while crossing his arms.  
"DO IT NOW OR ELSE!"  
"Or else what?"  
"I'LL HAVE YOU BAKE WITH MARLUXIA!"  
An awkward silence fell upon them when suddenly the pink haired nobody came  
bursting into the room wearing a chef hat and holding an easy bake oven in his  
arms, "Today's special ingredient is fun!"  
"NO!" Roxas screamed as he fell to his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of Chapter 2.   
> So what do you think? Super random? Super awesome?  
> Super lame? Super boring?


	3. The 'Normal' Meetings in The Round Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another awesome chappie! I honestly don't think this one's is very funny  
> but…Enjoy!

"Order in the court!"  
The whispers and laughter of the Organization suddenly halted.  
Xemnas, leader of Organization 13 was currently yelling at his fellow members in  
the Round Room or also known as The Room where Nothing Gathers hoping to  
discuss today's topic. The room was round obviously and had tall white chairs  
mounted on the wall. Each seat was raised high or low depending on the member.  
And each chair was specifically placed for each member according to their number.  
"Alright, it seems we have a problem that has come upon us." The Superior stated  
with no emotion whatsoever as he sat up straighter in his high chair while crossing his legs.  
"What, you actually noticed that Marluxia has not only become a nuisance but a  
danger to the Organization?" Axel inquired the Superior with a quirky smirk staring  
at the pink haired nobody who was glaring at himself in a pink hand mirror. He sat in between Zexion and Demyx.  
"Did somebody say something about flowers?" The man known as Marluxia asked  
while glancing around the room, trying to figure out who had just spoke. The pink  
haired man sat in between Demyx and Roxas.  
"Lexeaus likes burger rain."  
Xemnas then cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention again, "Now it seems  
that number two has committed a bad deed and will be seen in court today. If you  
would like to see him please go to the Courthouse that Maybe Exists after this meeting."  
"Wait a second, how is Marluxia a danger to us?" Demyx the Melodious Nocturne  
asked the fiery red head who was right next to him while cocking his head slightly to  
the right, totally ignoring what Xemnas had just said.  
With a chuckle Axel then replied, "Well for one, all you can smell is perfume and  
dandelions from that guy and-"  
"DANDELIONS ARE NOT FLOWERS! THEY ARE WEEDS!" Marluxia suddenly  
informed quite loudly after noticing that this conversation was about him.  
The pyromaniac brushed off the words and continued, "ANYWAY, all he does is  
waste time listening to garbage and dance around like a ballerina instead of actually  
training." He then brushed a piece of dirt off his shoulder, "All I can say is poor,  
poor Zexy, having to deal with that awful scent of the guy who is shockingly a man."  
Zexion gave a slight nod in agreement.  
Xemnas sighed and rubbed his temples, "Doesn't anyone want to know what Xigbar has done?"  
Nobody seemed to even acknowledge that the Superior had even spoken.  
"I say we throw him out!" Larxene exclaimed who sat in between Roxas and  
Luxord, "Who's with me?"  
"WE ARE!" Almost the entire Organization chorused together expect for Saix,  
Zexion and obviously Lexeaus.  
"QUIET!" The deep voice of the Superior boomed as everyone quickly turned their  
attention to him. After clearing his throat Xemnas then asked, "Are any of you concerned about Xigbar?"  
Some members like Axel and Demyx nodded their heads quickly and others like  
Larxene shouted, "No!"  
"Well since I am the Superior I will tell you anyway."  
"Hold on a second! Can this wait? Were busy here trying to set up a riot to ban  
Marluxia!" Larxene then exclaimed, leaning out of her chair.  
"Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man, bake Lexeaus a cake as fast as baker's man  
can, roll it and pat it and mark it with a B, and put it in the oven for Baby and  
Lexeaus." Nobody seemed to acknowledge Lexeaus' sudden singing.  
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST ME THAT IS SO BAD?!" The pink haired man  
asked rather loudly as he glanced at every pair of eyes in the room.  
"Can we start listing the problems alphabetically Superior?" Demyx asked all  
innocent like with gleam in his eyes.  
Xemnas sighed and face palmed. He couldn't resist Demyx's looks sometimes,  
"Fine go ahead…"  
A few yes's were heard and abrupt whispering occurred in the room.  
"OK first of all, he's annoying." Larxene stated while lifting a finger in the air.  
"Secondly he does ballet." Said Axel as he pointed his finger at the nobody named Marluxia.  
"He's caring!" Demyx exclaimed with excitement.  
"Demyx, that's not a problem." Marluxia corrected while scanning his shiny nails for any damage.  
"I couldn't think of anything else that started with a C!" The mullet haired man  
complained as he threw his hands up in the air.  
"Lexeaus knows Lexeaus' abc's. A for apple, b for banana and c for cookie."  
Again, the Silent Hero was ignored and everyone was whispering among each  
other, trying to come up with a word for the letter C.  
Suddenly after a few moments of hard thinking and failing with words everyone  
glared at Zexion since they were all out of ideas and the book boy knew just about every word in the world.  
The Schemer shifted uncomfortably in his chair, he hated all this attention. With a  
sigh he softly said, "He's not COMPATIBLE enough to complete his missions  
properly. Instead he lazes around in search for flowers or other plants."  
"ENOUGH!" The superior screamed and everyone froze in place.  
Just then a swirl of darkness appeared in the empty seat on the left of Xemnas, breaking the silence.  
"Lexeaus knows it's Xigbar."  
"Hey dudes." A man with a long pony tail and eye patch greeted who had just  
returned, "Can you believe it? I got proven guilty of parking overtime in Twilight  
Town! Ugh stupid Batman, he sure knows how to keep watch of everyone." The man  
sighed and cracked his knuckles before continuing, "Also I had to pay the fee of  
1000 munny! That's it I have decided to call up the Joker, have fun now." And with  
that quick entry, Xigbar teleported through a dark corridor and was gone again.  
"THE JOKER!" Roxas yelled before screaming like a little baby who had their  
candy taken away and started slamming his fist on the arms of his chair in panic.  
"Lexeaus smells ham."  
"Wait, did he just say that Batman caught him committing such a vile crime of  
parking overtime?" Demyx asked unsure of himself as he cocked his head to the right again.  
"Yes Demyx." Saix replied in a monotone voice as he shook his head in unbelief before teleporting out.  
"THE JOKER!" Roxas screamed again as he shook in fear.  
"What's wrong with that boy?" A long black haired man with dreadlocks named Xaldin asked.  
"I don't know," Replied a man with a British accent as he shuffled a deck of cards,  
"And I'm not sure why he's so frightened over my card."  
"Lexeaus is a little tea pot short and stout. Here is Lexeaus' handle here is  
Lexeaus' spout. When Lexeaus get's all steamed up Lexeaus just shouts. Tip Lexeaus  
over and pour Lexeaus out."  
Everyone just stared with their mouths dropped after finally noticing the  
awkwardness of the Silent Hero's singing. Luxord even dropped the deck of cards he was shuffling onto the floor way below.  
"WHY KINGDOM HEARTS WHY?!" Xemnas shouted to the ceiling as he gripped  
the ends of his hair tightly, "WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THESE PEOPLE!?"  
"THE JOKER!" Roxas continued to scream in utter terror.  
"That's it!" The blonde haired British man exclaimed, "IF YOU WANT A JOKER  
CARD, THEN GO BUY YOUR OWN DECK OF CARDS!" And with that he teleported  
out of the room after screaming at the blonde spiky haired teen.  
"Come on Roxas, I think it's time for your therapy," Axel stated calmly to his best  
friend before checking the time on his random watch, "Well, we'll be ten hours early  
but hey better early than never." The pyromaniac then teleported to his friends chair  
and grabbed his wrist and left the room through a dark corridor rather quickly.  
Now a little more than half of the members were left including Xemnas, Xaldin,  
Vexen, Lexeaus, Zexion, Demyx, Marluxia and Larxene.  
"This is a complete waste of my precious time! I bet I could've changed the  
weather by now!" The eldest of the members named Vexen complained with many  
hand gestures before leaving through a dark corridor.  
Just then a high pitched scream echoed through the room and a few members  
covered their ears. Everyone stared daggers at Marluxia.  
"I LIKE JUST CHIPPED A NAIL! CAN YOU LIKE BELIEVE THAT?!" The Graceful  
Assassin exclaimed as he held his poor finger in his hand, "I loved that nail! We've  
been through so much! I remember digging in the dirt outside to plant my petunia."  
A tear ran down his cheek as he caressed his finger, "Oh and the times that I tucked  
it in at night and read it a story."  
Zexion's eye began to twitch uncontrollably, "Why…?" He started quietly.  
Everyone turned to face him as his expression became immensely angry and annoyed.  
"Lexeaus is worried because Lexeaus knows Zexion is going to blow up."  
"WHY IS THAT PANSY STILL LIVING!?"  
Everyone jumped in their seats at Zexion's sudden outburst and Marluxia gasped.  
"Xaldin, kill him." Zexion demanded evilly while whipping his head slightly to the left to face the said nobody.  
"I AM THE SU-"  
"SHUT UP!" The Schemer bellowed as he cut off Xemnas' rant about being  
Superior which made Xemnas shift uncomfortable in his seat.  
"Why me? You should make Demyx do it." Xaldin replied ever so calmly as he  
brushed off some invisible dust off his cloak.  
"Hey!" Yelled Demyx, "I don't do the dirty jobs!"  
"Fine, I see how it is." Zexion then sat up in his chair, "You both leave me no choice…Xaldin I need you to do something very important for me. Something very  
important." He stated as he glared daggers into Marluxia's green eyes with an evil  
smirk, which made the pink haired man gulp in fear.  
Then dramatic music started to occur and maniacal laughter was heard along with  
the following, "MY SUMMONING HAS WORKED!" It was obviously Vexen.  
"Yes, Zexion?" The man with the dreadlocks inquired, looking a bit afraid as well.  
"Bring me a cookie." He demanded firmly and slowly as his eyes never left Marluxia's.  
"What?" Xaldin asked unsure if he misheard Zexion or not.  
"I said, bring me a cookie." He repeated making a pause after every word.  
In a flash Xaldin teleported out of there fast.  
"W-what are you going to do to me?" Marluxia asked as he curled up in his chair and started shaking in fear.  
"Oh nothing, nothing at all." The schemer replied, still his blue daggers never left his eyes.  
Suddenly a flash of darkness enveloped the seat on the right of Xemnas and Xaldin  
appeared with a chocolate chip cookie in his hands and tossed it to Zexion who  
caught it without taking away his gaze.  
"You see this cookie Marluxia?" He asked while waving the treat in the air.  
"Yes, yes I do." He replied with confusion.  
The music suddenly stopped.  
"This cookie is junk!" The Schemer stated as he tossed the cookie into the air like  
a Frisbee which then flew out a random window that happened to be open. How did  
that window even get there anyway? Maybe Lexeaus knows, who knows what kind of information that one holds.  
"But I love the cookie!" The pink haired man whined as a tear ran down his cheek,  
"That cookie needs love too!" And with that the Graceful Assassin leaped out of his  
chair and through the opened window that was conveniently placed above him.  
After Marluxia had jumped through the window Zexion had mumbled something  
under his breath and seconds later the window closed all by itself.  
A voice mumbled from outside the wall, "I got the cookie!"  
Xaldin cocked an eyebrow at the Schemer as others stared at him with unbelief of what just happened.  
Just then a thump vibrated the window and the face of Marluxia was pressed  
against the glass, sliding down with a squeak.  
"Lexeaus thinks that Marluxia thinks Marluxia is a bird and Lexeaus thinks it's  
funny that Marluxia thinks Marluxia is a bird which Lexeaus knows Marluxia isn't a  
bird but Lexeaus thinks it's funny that Marluxia thinks Marluxia is a bird." The man  
began to chuckle like an idiot.….  
"Well now all we have to do is never open any windows or doors or he'll come in."  
Larxene informed with a flick of her wrist, changing the subject after the awkward silence.  
"Doesn't he know that he can just teleport back in here?" Demyx asked as he sunk  
lower in his seat lazily and laid his arms on the hard white arms of the tall chair.  
"For one Demyx, Marluxia isn't always smart when it comes to simple things such  
as using a dark corridor but when the subject is about plants he's a genius." Zexion  
the cloaked Schemer replied as he summoned his Lexicon and began reading.  
"Why are we all just sitting in here anyway? Look, Xemnas fell asleep." The  
Savage Nymph remarked as she gestured her hand towards the silver haired Superior.  
"Lexeaus thinks that Xemnas fell asleep because Xemnas was bored of Lexeaus'  
talking which Lexeaus wasn't aware of so Lexeaus is continuing to talk even though  
Xemnas is asleep, but Xemnas doesn't know that Lexeaus is still talking which  
Lexeaus think is funny that Xemnas doesn't know that Lexeaus is talking because  
Xemnas is sleeping."  
"Will you quit talking in third person? Sheesh, stop talking in circles and go back  
to kindergarten." Larxene complained as she summoned a dark corridor and left with a sigh.  
"Lexeaus is afraid of Kindergarten because Lexeaus has bad memories there  
which makes Lexeaus scared of kindergarten."  
With a sigh of annoyance everyone left the Round Room except for Xemnas who was still snoring.  
"Lexeaus just remembered how Bob gave Lexeaus a mad look because Lexeaus  
didn't give Bob his snicker doodles so that made Bob angry and give Lexeaus a scary  
look. And that is why Lexeaus is afraid of kindergarten because Bob will be there to give Lexeaus scary looks."  
The so-called Silent Hero continued to talk for the remainder of the day about  
random subjects such as flying elephant fairies, and rainbow teddy bear biscuits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End; I didn't really like this chapter much, but I hope you all do! Thanks for  
> reading and reviewing!


	4. Color Crazy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Icy Metal and Frost blue Roses for giving me the hair dyeing idea. :D  
> And thanks to you, whoever is reading this, for reviewing and reading! Or  
> just reading…But thanks!

"BREAKING NEWS! JUSTIN BIEBER VISITS HUMANE SOCIETY."  
"Ugh stupid news..."  
Xemnas was sitting in the Living Room that Never Was in his large leather black  
recliner while flipping through the stations.  
The flat screen T.V that was mounted on the wall was showing four kittens  
showing their teeth and their backs were hunched up, looking like they were going  
to attack and at the bottom of the screen, a large red strip with white lettering read;  
'JUSTIN BIEBER VISITS HUMANE SOCIETY'.  
He changed the channel to a cooking show. "Hmmm… Seems interesting…" He  
continued to watch the lady pour some oil into a pan on the stove.  
He then scratched his large stomach and burped up 2 liter bottle of Coke he  
devoured minutes ago.  
"Ah man, this old Superior needs a bath." He stated to himself as he stood up from his chair.  
Xemnas left the large room through a dark corridor and stepped out of it, outside  
the bathroom door. With a long sigh he knocked a few times.  
When nobody responded, he turned the silver knob and stepped in.  
Suddenly a high pitched scream sounded and Xemnas quickly closed the door.  
"I'm sorry ma'am!" He apologized loudly.  
The scream came again.  
"Hmm?" Xemnas opened the door again and searched around the room. Nobody was in there, so who was screaming?  
Suddenly footsteps were heard and the screaming had gotten closer.  
Xemnas stuck his head out the door and saw Axel, waving his hands around  
wearing a dark red plaid bathrobe. The Superior's eyes widened at the fact that  
Axel's hair was a fluorescent yellow.  
"HELP ME! OH SOMEONE HELP!" He bellowed while running past Xemnas.  
Xemnas was perplexed. What happened to Axel's hair? With a shrug he entered the bathroom and closed the door.  
Suddenly a shrilling scream echoed throughout the hallway. The only member  
who could scream like that was Larxene.  
With a sigh Xemnas popped his head out the door and saw Marluxia screaming his  
head off but he seemed normal.  
"Marluxia what is the meaning of this!?" Xemnas furiously asked.  
"Oh Lord Xemnas it's horrible. Look at my hair!" He shrieked as he quickly walked  
over to the Superior and untucked a strand of hair behind his ear. "It's darker pink!"  
Xemnas slapped Marluxia cross the face, "MAN UP!" He yelled.  
"Yes sir!" Marluxia stood up straighter like a soldier and saluted his Superior.  
"MANLIER!"  
Marluxia then spoke in the deepest voice, even deeper then Xemnas' and he spoke  
slow, "Yes…Superior."  
"Good, now fetch me a soda, I'm parched!"  
"Yes sir!"  
And with that Marluxia ran down the hall.  
"What can a superior do to get a bath around here?" Xemnas asked himself while  
turning around to open the door when suddenly he felt a tap on his shoulder.  
"WHAT?!" He screamed as he turned around to face a short hooded Nobody.  
"Superior?" The silvery voice inquired. It was no other than Zexion.  
Xemnas sighed, "What is it Zexion? Put your hood down."  
"I can't…."  
"Why not?"  
The short Schemer sighed and slowly pulled back his hood.  
Xemnas gasped, "OH MY STORE BRAND NAME OF QUAKER OATS!"  
The Cloaked Schemer's hair wasn't periwinkle anymore, it was now pink. A hot pink.  
"Shh! I don't want anyone to know." He said quietly as he pulled his hood back over his head.  
"Well, what happened?"  
"This morning my hair was perfectly fine, but it was then after my shower is when  
it turned like that." He explained in a soft voice, trying not to let anyone hear even  
that random smiley face on the wall.  
"Well howdy there!" The yellow smiling face greeted in a southern accent.  
"Hmm…" Xemnas mused while ignoring the happenings of the talking wall, "We'll  
have to find the culprit."  
"AHHHHH HAHAHA!"  
Xemnas and Zexion quickly looked around for the strange high pitched shriek of  
laughter and found nobody in sight.  
The Schemer quickly scanned the area around him. The floors, the walls, the  
windows… He then jerked his head up and found the only man with an eye patch  
hanging upside down from the ceiling. It was annoying when that man decided to defy gravity.  
"Look, I found my belly button!" Xigbar exclaimed as he jumped down in the  
middle of the two.  
"Xigbar your hair…" Xemnas stated in a breathy voice.  
Xigbar's hair was in fact weird. The black in his hair was neon blue and the white  
streaks were a bright orange. He then started giggling to himself.  
"Xigbar." The Superior tried again.   
"I FREAKING LOVE LASAGNA!" He screamed loudly while jumping in place.  
"Xigbar." Zexion sternly said.  
"Pour me a box of raisins!" Xigbar exclaimed.  
"Xigbar!" Zexion's voice rose.  
"Yes potato sack?"  
Zexion sighed while crossing his arms and drummed his fingers on his arm trying  
to hold in the urge of killing him, "What is wrong with you?"  
Xigbar froze for a second and tapped a finger on his chin, "I smell hot dogs…"  
The Schemer sighed and turned toward Xemnas, "Superior, he has gone mad." He stated while giving a hand gesture.  
"Indeed. Do you think it has something to do with the hair color?" The silver haired man asked.  
"No, because I'm completely sane."  
"True…Maybe Vexen can find a solution."  
With a nod Xemnas and Zexion made their way towards Vexen's lab which was  
conveniently down the hall.  
With a knock, the sound of Vexen's voice yelled, "Come in!" In a sing song tone.  
Zexion hesitated before turning the knob, what if Vexen's crazy too? He opened  
the door and saw the creepy man standing at a table, overlooking something.  
"Vexen?" Xemnas inquired, "We need your help with an issue."  
The Chilly Academic didn't bother to turn around and asked, "What kind of issue?"  
"A hair issue, it seems a few members' hair has been dyed, and Xigbar has gone  
insane and it's giving me a splitting headache."  
"Why are you always complaining?" Vexen asked as his voice rose into an angrier  
one and turned around, "I am pregnant!" He exclaimed furiously.  
Zexion and Xemnas stared at the man with wide eyes while their mouths hung  
open as they finally noticed the man's large stomach.  
"B-but Vexen, you're a man…" Zexion remarked in unbelief.  
Vexen placed a hand on his hip, "I am a booger that got shot through your nose  
that just so happens to be in the shape of a man!" He exclaimed.  
Suddenly a large watermelon plopped onto the floor from under his cloak and his stomach was flat again.  
Lexeaus happened to be nearby at an examining table and held up a screw driver  
to the table light, "Lexeaus thinks that this rusty screw driver is quite lovely."  
Nobody seemed to notice that Lexeaus had even spoken.  
"Oh isn't he wonderful?" Vexen inquired as he picked up the watermelon off the floor.  
"Vexen, I will no longer deal with your foolishness. Stop acting as if you're in a  
soap opera and focus!" Xemnas exclaimed sternly and Zexion agreed with a nod.  
"I don't give a chap stick!" The creepy blonde haired man yelled, "Now excuse me  
while Fred and I watch some Desperate Housewives!" He then marched towards a  
corner of the room where a couch and TV were placed with his watermelon. He then  
halted and squealed, "It's a brand new episode!" And then sat down.  
"This is getting us no where…" Zexion stated with a sigh.  
Suddenly a closet door opened on the left wall and Xaldin came out scanning the  
room as if looking for something, "Dinosaurs! I hear dinosaurs!" He exclaimed.  
He then placed a hand on his hip and walked towards the two normal members.  
"What are you two supposed to be, Lobsters?" He asked in a woman's voice as he  
pushed Zexion with the tip of his finger.  
Zexion faceplamed in frustration and tried to hold in the urge to kill that crazy  
man with dreadlocks right there.  
"Xaldin, what in Kingdom Hearts is wrong with you?" Xemnas asked while staring  
at his hair, noticing that he had no funky streaks or dyes.  
"I'm gonna go to the Pointless Wall to Mart and I'm gonna buy a dress!" Xaldin  
exclaimed with an ear to ear grin.  
"But Xaldin-" Xemnas started to say but was then cut off by music.  
"I was born this way!" Xaldin lip sunk with the female voice that sang and he  
began to dance. Suddenly the music ended and so did his dancing.  
The Schemers eye twitched in disgust, "Xemnas, I can no longer take this  
anymore." He then turned on his heel and began to walk out.  
As soon as Zexion was about to grab the handle of the door, it pushed open,  
making him crash into the wall making a large dent with the doors pressure against him.  
Axel stood in the door way, "Guys you wouldn't believe it." He started, "I-"  
"Lexeaus says hold on." The Silent Hero interrupted as he grabbed a chair and a  
random bowl of popcorn off the examining table and sat right in front of Axel.  
"Lexeaus says go on."  
Axel crossed his arms, "So anyway, as I was saying, I have gotten the dye out of  
my hair. The solution? Coca Cola."  
The Silent Hero began to awe in wonder as he munched loudly on his popcorn.  
"That? Hmm, and to think that's what I was drinking earlier…" Xemnas mused out loud.  
Axel stepped in and closed the door behind him making Zexion fall onto the floor,  
almost like he had peeled off the wall.  
"Yep, am I a genius or what?" He asked rather proudly while pointing a thumb at himself.  
The Schemer tried to stand up straight without falling over due to the fact that his  
head slammed against the wall and he was feeling rather dizzy.  
Suddenly the door opened again, sending Zexion crashing into the wall and Demyx  
stepped in laughing his head off.  
"Number nine, what seems to be so comical?" The Superior asked while crossing his arms slowly.  
"You…Hair...Vexen…" He managed to say in between laughs.  
"Spit it out!" Xemnas exclaimed with annoyance.  
Demyx inhaled loudly and long then said very fast, "I died your hair by replacing  
the shampoo and I mixed your drinks with one of Vexen's potions!" He then bent  
over and laughed, "Now you're all crazy!"  
Vexen gasped and stood up, placing his watermelon baby on the sofa, "Just for  
disrespecting me you're gonna stay here and watch Desperate Housewives with  
me!" He exclaimed while placing his hand on his hip. He then walked towards Demyx and grabbed his ear.  
"Ouchies!" Demyx shrieked while squirming from Vexen's very tight grasp.  
The Chilly Academic then dragged the Melodious Nocturne over to the couch and made him sit down.  
"You will watch this or I will have Aunt Jemima put the smack down." He  
demanded as he scooped up his watermelon and rocked it in his arms. "Shh, it's OK Fred, don't cry."  
"The actual Aunt Jemima?" Xaldin inquired in amazement as his mouth hung open  
and drool began pouring out of his mouth.  
"Lexeaus suggests that we go buy some pancakes."  
"XEMNAS THINKS WE NEED TO FIND THE ANTIDOTE!"  
The door suddenly closed by itself and Zexion stumbled away from the wall, almost falling over and said in a zombie like voice, "Zexion see's pretty stars."   
And then fell on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> END! This was getting too long, so be prepared for part two of Color Crazy! (Maybe.)

**Author's Note:**

> What do ya think of the randomness?


End file.
